Sex-ed: Kingdom Hearts Style

YOMG!!!! CRACK(LE) FIC NUMAB 2!!!!!!!!!!

Sex-ed with Sora!!!!! Kingsom Hearts style!!!!

Today, with the help of Miha and Min, Sora will educate us on AIDS the HIV infection.

Miha

Min

Sora

Riku

Xaldin

Sora: *Ahem* Yesh I am Pr. Sora!!!  And today I will be teaching you about the horrors of AIDS!!!!  Hokay, to start off with, the heartless that I have stowed away in the corner will be symbolizing the HIV virus!!!!!  

Miha: Who’s gonna be the infected dude?

Sora: That would be Riku

Riku: WHAT!?!?!?! WHY THE HELL ME!?!?!? DOES THAT MEAN I GOTTA BE GAY!?!?!?

Miha: NOOO YOU WILL NEVER BE GAY!!!!

Min: Take one for the team Riku, think of all the little fan-girls reading this. They need to know the horrors of aids!!!!! (so when they rape you they wont get them)

Riku: BUT I’M NOT INFECTED!!!! I REFUSE TO HELP IF I HAVE TO BE GAY!!!!!

sora: Fineeeeee then, your really desperate and fucked a monkey, can I go on?

miha: IF HE’S DESPERATE HE CAN HAVE ME!!! TAKE ME I’M YOUR RIKUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

min: O.O that’s love and devotion. go, go and get yourself infected by the gay guy Miha. it’s your dream after all.....

riku: I AM MOT GAY ORRRR DESPERATE DAMN YOU!!!!!!

sora: But you don’t deny being infected?

riku: IM NOT THAT EITHER!!!!!!!!

min: Queeer .....hawt.....x33

riku: IM NOT YOU LITTLE-

sora: hey!!! no swearing at the authors!!!!!!

Min: Damn straight!

Riku: Gr...........IM.NOT.QUEER.INFECTED.OR DEPSTERATE. SHUT.UP.

Miha: You said it not me.

Min: *rolfing*

Riku: ... I don’t get it.

miha: You don’t wanna.....you DON’T wanna.....

riku: Well anyways.......IM STRAIGHT AND LIKE HELLZ AM I INFECTED!!!

min: PMS much?

sora: FINE!!!! YOUR NOT GAY OR DESPERATE!!! you got it breast feeding cause your mom was a whore, happy?

riku: Gr.......better than being gay I  guess.....

sora: Righto chaps, well anywaysssss as I was saying!!!! The HIV infected persons can only spread this disease through sharing needles or sexual contact.   In this case, Riku is also a heroin fiend.

riku: *gloom* it gets worse and worse....*draws circles on the floor in his EMO corner*

miha: *goes to scary EMO corner* it’s ok my sexy silver-haired bishe, its ok

riku: ........not helping......*gloom* *depression* *emo-ness*

miha: fine it’s ok .... “riku”

Sora: OK THE OTHER HEROIN FIEND IS.......XALDIN!!!!!!!

Xaldin: I’M NOT A HEROIN FIEND DAMMIT!!!! *six lances of doooom* oh, and hi mom ^^

Min: EMOTICONS!!!!!

riku: *gloom*

sora: So hanyway!!!  Riku is all infectchucated and sheeetz and is on some heroin. Now, being the evil unsanitary bastard he is, he shares his needle with Xaldin.

riku: *emo cloud* *holds up needle and heartless come out and attack the sheetz out of Xaldin*

xaldin: GAAAH!!!! MOTHERLAND!!!!!!!  HELP SOMEONE DAMMIT!!!!!

sora: As you can see, the victem is horribly ravaged from the very beginning, with various symptoms such as-
-bite marks
-claw scratches
-lack of heart
-bruises
-bloody gashes
-keys too big for any car saving the day

min: um.....O____o the symptoms of HIV are not any of those.....and most of the time they show after years, if they do at all.....are you sure you know what your talking about?

riku: NO!!! he doesn’t!!! not at all, throw him out!! No, throw us all out and get a new cast!!! that’s the ONLY way to make this better!!!

miha: NUUUU!!! I DON’T WANNA THROW YOU OUT!!!!

riku: DAMN!!!!

sora: Hanyways, as I was saying. The now infected Xaldin will die in three seconds, because AIDS will develops in that time!!! its such a quick death really.....

miha: Nu-uh.......O.O

sora: WHO’S THE PROFESSOR!?!?!?!?!

min: HIDE ME!!!!

miha:You’re not fit to be a professor......

min: DAMMIT PEOPLE HELP ME!!!!

miha: Der............

miha: THOSE STUPID AIDS ARE COMING AFTER MEEEEEEEE!!! LOCK ‘IM UP DAMN YOU!!!!!

sora: RIKU!!! STOP TRYING TO RAPE THE HOSTESS!!!!

riku: *still in emo corner* I HAVEN’T EVEN MOVED YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!! THE HEARTLESS HAVE A WILL OF THEIR OWN!!!!!

sora: HOOOOOOKAY....... rapist....... anyways, that brings us to the next segment!!! the other way to get aids and HIV is through sexual contact which includes....

-mowing your lawn
-carrying around big keys
-traveling with a dog or a duck
-getting chased by fan-girl/boys
-having silver hair
-being a bishe

min: NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE FRICKEN SEXUAL CONTACT!!!!!!

miha: NUUUUUU RIKU IS A BISHE!!! DOES THAT MEAN WE ARE ALL INFECTED!!!!!

min: -_-U you’re not listening to me........

miha: IM HAVING A BAD DAY!!! I JUST FOUND OUT MY POOR RIKU IS HIV POSITIVE!!!!

riku: IM NOT HIV POSITIVE!!!!

miha: AND I LEARNED HE’S GAY!!!

riku: I AM NOT GAAAAY!!!! and since when am I YOUR riku, hm?

miha: Since I wrote this fic with my friend

riku: curse you.......

min: You know.....*evil grin* now that I think about it...........we ARE in control of what happens......we could make you say or do whatever we want.......*eviler grin* if we weren’t so pwn  right now you’d be.....

miha: *drools* hehehehehehehe *nosebleed*

riku: you wouldn’t........

miha: HELLZ YEAH I WOULD!!!!!


min: Hehehehehehe hahahahahahah MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA

sora: UM.......YEAHHHHHH. So if we rule out the ice caps melting, meteors becoming crashed into us, the o-zone layer leaving, and the sun exploding, we are definitely going to blow ourselves up.


min: O_____________O the foosh?

sora: Whooops I wasn’t supposed to say that........*china blows up* whoops I did it again.....

riku: ZOMG BRITTANY SPEARS!?!?!? WHERE!?!?!?!

min: DUDE!!!!! you nasty.,...that’s where you got your aids and heroin addiction....

miha: WAAAAAAHHHH NOOOO1!!! DAMN YOU BRITTANY!!!!

riku: YOU MADE ME DO THAT!!!!!

miha: NU-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH min did

riku: *bangs head on wall*

min: hehehehhehehheeeehhe

sora: um....so yeah....... through the aforementioned sexual contact you infect others. now Riku, mow my lawn. it could use some attention.

riku: I thought I was already infected......

sora: Hooooo yaaaa.....fine, go rape a fan-girl

miha: ME! ME! ME! ME!!!!1

min: .....innocence lost......

miha: What is this “innocence” of which you speak?

min: ?_? dunno, it just seemed like the appropriate line for the moment.

riku: *bangs head on wall again*

sora: so now that the willing fan-girl is going to be molested....

miha: *gets attacked by heartless*

min: sugar honey ice tea......

miha: *breaks free* HAH!!!! PIRATES!?!?!? YOU GUYS A BUNCH OF SUCKERS!!!!!!

sora: ER...YEAH....Some of the “opportunistic diseases” as we call them that infect aids positive people are
- PDS- pirate dementia syndrom
-DSS- dying of super silver-haired-sexy-bishe-induced-nosebleeds
-PMS-well, im sure you already knew about Pirate Mating Season
-NIB-ninjas is Bishies

min: um....those are not diseases..............

sora: WHO’S THE BLOODY PROFESSOR!!!!!

miha: A BRAIN-DEAD MORON. why did we choose Sora to be the professor? He’s like the dumbest character in Kingdom Hearts......

min: Because of the sheer irony of it. And besides Demyx ain’t so bright either....

miha: But he has a giant sitar!!

min: Which is why Sora got the role.

riku: ARE WE DONE HERE YET!?!?!?!?!?!

min: YEAH......WE ARE!!!!

riku: WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!!?!

min: WHY ARE YOU!?!?!!?

miha: XEMNAS IS AN ANAGRAM FOR MAN-SEX!!!!!!!

sora: THE FOOSH?!?!?!!

miha: The end ^^

Ciao x]